Tuesday, March 11, 2008

Thank You, ELizabeth.

So it's probably evident from my lack of correspondance, that it's not so fun blogging after a not so fun class. But, I'm back! last week i don' tknow what it was but i just felt funky, i felt like i was getting a head cold, I couldn't concentrate for anything and my body was just sore. I was so frustrated and I felt like saying, hello- body, don't you know that you're going to training soon? you can't be doing this! So needless to say, i've been a little stressed out lately about odds and ends, and the past couple nights I've found myself procrastinating on going to sleep.. i think i was up till past 2 last night- not fun when I have to wake up for work at 6:30. anyhow, i went in to class today, and it was so nice because it was like Elizabeth took a peek inside my head and knew exactly what I was thinking because she talked to us during our savasanas about how it is so important to come into class without expectations. No matter if we come into class after a long night thinking this is going to be a great class, or if we come in well rested and rejuvinated, thinking we're going to have a rockstar class-- you just never know. Every class is different and I need to remind myself that even though i'm gong to training and my body knows that, every class is a practice. So thank you Elizabeth, because it's one of those things that I know in my head, but it helps to have a reminder!

Monday, March 3, 2008

Tick tick...

so today i realized, holey crap-- it's march 3rd already, and i'm leaving april 5th! i'm actually moving to another country for almost 2 1/2 months! i was sitting at work listening to my spanish lessons on my ipod while i filed and all of a sudden i got so incredibly excited. i feel like i've been so worried about money and odds & ends that i didn't realize how close it was, but it's almost here and i am sooooo looking forward to it. i still can't wrap my mind around the fact that i'm going to be living in a hotel room for 9 weeks, but the rest of it-- the dialog, the practices, the lectures, i feel like saying bring it on. i'm ready, i'll be able to handle whatever is thrown in my direction. (my confidence still surprizes me too, but i'm gonna go with it!)

so practice today went really well. carrie taught and it was one of those wonderful classes that just seemed to fly by. i barely noticed the heat, and i was able to stay present and concentrate for the most part, which felt really nice after being so out of my head yesterday. i always like to hear what the different teachers bring into the classroom and today carrie was talking about how important it is to just breathe. the past cuople months i've been thinking about that like crazy, and it's had such a positive impact on me. it's funny because it's so easy to get stressed out and worry and to concentrate on how much something hurts or how upset you might be, but the reality is, at least for me, no matter how much i'm struggling with something, if i stop and tell myself "just breathe" i feel like i can get through anything. so cheesy, but so true. i'm so happy because i'm starting to learn about more than just the asana aspect of yoga. at the same time, i'm learning that yoga is an everchanging practice. tomorrow's class might not feel nearly as nice as today's, but as long as i accept that and know that every "bad" practice makes the "good" ones all the better, i think i will be just fine :)

Sunday, March 2, 2008

easy come, easy go...

so for whatever reason, i'm guessing it was the beautiful march day outside, the meditation thing did not come easily today. but i did have a nice afternoon class. i felt like such a rebel, i had fully intended on going to 10:00am, but when i woke up this morning, i thought no way, this bed is too comfy to leave and i deserve a little sleep in time. so i went to 4:30 and despite my distractions, my body felt good.. except for the fact that i put a ton of lotion on last night and i couldn't keep a grip in standing bow to save my life. damn that jergens.

i did have a bit of a break through today.. it occured to me, with a little guidance from Jenice, that i really need to learn spanish. i mean i'm going to be in Mexico for 9 weeks and something tells me the 3years of french i took in highschool is going to do me no good there. so i went to borders, bought a nifty cd that is supposed to upload onto my ipod.. i'm not sure exactly and i'm not the most technologically savvy person, so i better go figure that out right now! BUENOS NOCHES! :)

Saturday, March 1, 2008

yoga is my scene

it's a beautiful saturday, the first saturday of March and i am feeling well and excited for training. after a reasonably long night last night, i took Noshi's class this morning, and i had a good, hard, strong class. my legs felt llike they were going give out on me during awkward pose, and they were bouncing like crazy, but somehow i survived. (i gotta admit, i was in the front row with elizabeth next to me, and christina next to her and i was feeding off their energy as much as i could)

but the best part of class today was that i tried my hardest to keep my head in the room and i was decently succussful. i'm someone that always struggles with distraction. this is terrible to admit, but half the time i have songs running through my head, sometimes a cute boy or two will pop in, and it's just really difficult for me to foccus on being present with what i'm doing. it's something that i'm definitely working on outside of the yoga studio as well. throughout my day i try to keep myself from thinking about the future. ii'm trying to notice what's going on around me right now, rather than getting caught on the past or future... which leads me to the amazing realization that i had this morning. .... but first i have to give you the background...

so lately shelley and i have been having all these conversations about who we are, and who we want to be. i've been struggling with this want and need to be me, to be true to my authentic self, and in order to do so, i have to know who that true self is. the tricky part, that shelley and i are noticing, is that 23 is such a transitionary age. we're adults and technically grownups, (i think) but we're still learning so much. if we were stagnant, and not changing, it would be easy to know ourselves, but the beauty (and bitch) of life is that, you're always changing, always growing. things never stay the same... so blah blah blah point being we are trying to find out where we fit in with ourselves.

all that being said, last night we decided to go out downtown. we got dressed up, and for what felt like the first time in ages (actually a month or two) i actually straightened my hair, had my smokey eye shadow on, a pair of lucky jeans, and of course a pair of sassy heels. first stop was a wine lounge and the scene was pretty cool, but it felt like the majority of the people were much older (mid 40's and older maybe) and established. it was nice, we had a glass of prosecco, and then walked down to Zocalo's to check out what was happening there. Zocalo's as usual was much more happening, and it was much more of a see and be seen type of place. i wouldn't quite call it a meat market, but along those lines. we stayed for maybe 20mins and then headed of to 2Me.... now that, (i'm sad to say, mom) is more my scene even in it's dive bar, shuffleboard, jukebox gloriousness. we had a good time, stayed for awhile and then headed home (not before stopping at mcdonald's-ouch). we got back to her apartment and i was thinking, wow, that crappy, smelly dive bar feels homey, and i just inhaled chicken strips and french fries... that's rough.

so that leads me to class this morning. i was doing a pretty good job, as i mentioned of staying mentally in the room, and i was actually looking into my own eyes and attempting to meditate. so there i was in tree pose, and all of a sudden i realized, right then and there, i was home. i was standing there half naked wearing these crazy brown tye died shorties and a little sports bra. my white stomach hasnt seen the sun since last summer, i had no make up on, no concealor covering my blemishes, my hair was pulled back in a pony tail, and i could tell it was curling from the sweat-- the sweat that i could hear dripping onto my towel-- and instead of feeling self conscious, instead of thinking about the mcdonalds that i ate the night before, or thinking about some problem i was having or how my face was breaking out, all i could think about was that right then i felt like i was at home. that studio, that smelly yoga mat, and the sweat spattered mirror was my home. that was where i belonged, and at that moment i was being true to my authentic self. being inside that humid, stinky room, is right where i need to be. that's my scene.