Saturday, March 1, 2008

yoga is my scene

it's a beautiful saturday, the first saturday of March and i am feeling well and excited for training. after a reasonably long night last night, i took Noshi's class this morning, and i had a good, hard, strong class. my legs felt llike they were going give out on me during awkward pose, and they were bouncing like crazy, but somehow i survived. (i gotta admit, i was in the front row with elizabeth next to me, and christina next to her and i was feeding off their energy as much as i could)

but the best part of class today was that i tried my hardest to keep my head in the room and i was decently succussful. i'm someone that always struggles with distraction. this is terrible to admit, but half the time i have songs running through my head, sometimes a cute boy or two will pop in, and it's just really difficult for me to foccus on being present with what i'm doing. it's something that i'm definitely working on outside of the yoga studio as well. throughout my day i try to keep myself from thinking about the future. ii'm trying to notice what's going on around me right now, rather than getting caught on the past or future... which leads me to the amazing realization that i had this morning. .... but first i have to give you the background...

so lately shelley and i have been having all these conversations about who we are, and who we want to be. i've been struggling with this want and need to be me, to be true to my authentic self, and in order to do so, i have to know who that true self is. the tricky part, that shelley and i are noticing, is that 23 is such a transitionary age. we're adults and technically grownups, (i think) but we're still learning so much. if we were stagnant, and not changing, it would be easy to know ourselves, but the beauty (and bitch) of life is that, you're always changing, always growing. things never stay the same... so blah blah blah point being we are trying to find out where we fit in with ourselves.

all that being said, last night we decided to go out downtown. we got dressed up, and for what felt like the first time in ages (actually a month or two) i actually straightened my hair, had my smokey eye shadow on, a pair of lucky jeans, and of course a pair of sassy heels. first stop was a wine lounge and the scene was pretty cool, but it felt like the majority of the people were much older (mid 40's and older maybe) and established. it was nice, we had a glass of prosecco, and then walked down to Zocalo's to check out what was happening there. Zocalo's as usual was much more happening, and it was much more of a see and be seen type of place. i wouldn't quite call it a meat market, but along those lines. we stayed for maybe 20mins and then headed of to 2Me.... now that, (i'm sad to say, mom) is more my scene even in it's dive bar, shuffleboard, jukebox gloriousness. we had a good time, stayed for awhile and then headed home (not before stopping at mcdonald's-ouch). we got back to her apartment and i was thinking, wow, that crappy, smelly dive bar feels homey, and i just inhaled chicken strips and french fries... that's rough.

so that leads me to class this morning. i was doing a pretty good job, as i mentioned of staying mentally in the room, and i was actually looking into my own eyes and attempting to meditate. so there i was in tree pose, and all of a sudden i realized, right then and there, i was home. i was standing there half naked wearing these crazy brown tye died shorties and a little sports bra. my white stomach hasnt seen the sun since last summer, i had no make up on, no concealor covering my blemishes, my hair was pulled back in a pony tail, and i could tell it was curling from the sweat-- the sweat that i could hear dripping onto my towel-- and instead of feeling self conscious, instead of thinking about the mcdonalds that i ate the night before, or thinking about some problem i was having or how my face was breaking out, all i could think about was that right then i felt like i was at home. that studio, that smelly yoga mat, and the sweat spattered mirror was my home. that was where i belonged, and at that moment i was being true to my authentic self. being inside that humid, stinky room, is right where i need to be. that's my scene.

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