Rollercoaster of Love..

Yesterday was intense. I don't know what it was, but everythign was piled up on my shoulders and I started crying before breathing even started in morning class.. not a good sign. I made it through class (without missing a posture, even though my shoulders were shaking throughout. I got myself together, and right before posture clinic i realized i just needed a big hug. sounds lame but i just needed someone to tell me everythign was gonna be alright. basically i needed my family and since that wasn't in the cards, i made a beeline for the nextbest thing, Lisa Duvall. Lisa is an amazing woman with a heart the size of her homestate, texas, and more importantly she's the mom of two kids. She looked at my face and gave me a huge hug and just held me for a long time. I felt like i could finally just cry without trying to hold it in or worry about what someone was going to think. it was such a relief. She practiced next to me in afternoon class and before class we talked for a long time about odds and ends about family and home and just life. Rajashree is back in town and taught that class, and i don't know if it was her or lisa, or what but i finally felt like i had a beautiful practice. It just flowed and i felt like i could stay in the postures all day.

Rajashree is such an inspiration. She was a 5 time world yoga champion, Miss India, she's very well educated, and she still manages to be a mother, and a wife.. (to someone that I imagine would be very difficult to be married to). She just has this presence. We were talking about it at lunch. I don't know exactly what it is, you can't pin point it, but it's like she really does glow from the inside out. She has some of the best energy I have ever experienced, and it all seems to radiate from her heart. What's realy incredible to me is that she garners the same respect as Bikram, if not more, and she doesn't demand it like he does. Not to knock him, he's very deserving of respect, but they're perfect foils for eachother. He's loud, foulmouthed, obnoxious, and completely politically incorrect. She's quiet, softspoken, gentle, and utterly appropriate. Last night he was lecturing about the differenced between men and women.... some of which I took with a grain of salt, and an understanding that Indian culture is very different than the culture that I have. I won't go into details.. i wouldn't want to put words in his mouth, and it's too easy to judge him if you've never met him. But I will say that while, I may not particualy agree with everything he says, I'm starting to understand where he's coming from and I am appreciating him more and more.